When talking about forgiveness, the first thing people imagine is that they are going to talk about religion. But if I told you that there a...
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the conscious and voluntary action to excuse a person who has offended us. When a person asks for forgiveness, what they are looking for is that the person they hurt, grant them a pardon for the actions that caused them harm.
Let's agree on something, forgiving as well as asking for forgiveness is not something easy. It requires both people to be humble enough to request and grant it.
It is not easy to do it; For this reason, people who are capable of giving forgiveness are worthy of admiration because they decide to let go of their pain to grant peace, and thus, give themselves the same opportunity to live in harmony with those who hurt them.
See the situation in the following way: when you forgive you are granting a valuable gift because it is an act that requires a voluntary detachment of love and selflessness, and what this in turn does is free you from all your negative emotions.
How does forgiveness work?
It is common to hear people say: » I cannot forgive so and so for his infidelity», «I do not forgive Sutano for having killed my brother», «Mengana stole money from me when I was a child and that is why I have a grudge against him, I cannot forgive ». Another of the recurring statements when someone is asked about whether people find it easy is to hear them say: "It's that I forgive, but I don't forget" Hmm ... Is that really forgiving?
Forgiveness requires that you want to be free from emotional burdens that only hurt you. So when you say you forgive but do not forget, you are doing nothing at all.
Forgiveness involves letting go of the pain caused by the act that hurt you. It is not the same as selective memory loss, but it is the same as letting go of the pain of the emotional hurt caused in the past. So the matter, forgive is that when you remember a certain action (that hurt you) you no longer feel pain.
How do you know that you have played in a real way?
It really is easy to tell. Suppose someone asked your forgiveness for something they did to you, and it caused you a great emotional wound; however, you gave it to him. Over time, in a common chat, the subject about which they asked you for forgiveness comes up, suddenly you discover that remembering that event no longer hurts. That lack of pain and suffering means that you have forgiven.
The opposite happens when your forgiveness is only (as we say in Colombia) " teeth out ." When that happens, people are unable to remember and not feel again that anger and pain generated by that injury. Many times it causes tears and you are not able to tolerate that person; so you try to avoid it with all your might.
The therapeutic effect of forgiveness
The effect is to set you free. When you forgive there is no more resentment, there are no more painful memories that end in tears and reproaches, and you can move on with your life.
I know that just like anyone else in the world you know what it is like to deal with anger, resentment, bitterness, and sadness, which can degenerate into long-term physical illness, robbing you of health and well-being.
Your harmful emotions, thoughts, and actions make your body sick because you are a linked whole. Anger, anxiety, resentment, and bitterness can arise at a time when - due to things in daily life - you find the person you have forgiven us on your way. This will generate stress and it is popular and medical knowledge that this can be the cause of heart attacks, gastric ulcers, irritated colon, high blood pressure, just to give a few examples.
Forgiveness is a whole process
When you propose to forgive or ask for forgiveness, you can start by trying to follow the following steps:
1 Recognize what hurt
Sometimes we are hurt or hurt without realizing it. So when you realize what you did, you reach a deep level of understanding of the damage caused, and this will make you put yourself "in the shoes" of the other person.
2 You can always choose
Everything in life is a choice, so you can choose or not to ask for forgiveness or forgive the damage caused. Think about the pros and cons, analyze if living like this is possible for you if it is easy to deal with it and continue on your way, and act according to your choice
3 If you have chosen to seek forgiveness then become aware of your mistake
Understanding leads to understanding, and this in turn allows you to feel sorry and to express your pain for the act committed, thus leading to the desire to forgive or be forgiven.
4 If you chose to forgive, then decide to release yourself from grief
You have chosen to forgive, then be ready to humble yourself in order to do so. The greatest impediment for a person to forgive is pride, and we know that this can be very harmful and separate families or even cause wars. If you are humble you can forgive from the heart freeing yourself from all suffering.
5 Think about your actions
We are all susceptible to harming someone in the long run of life. Therefore, it is necessary that you become aware of each of the things you say, or do. Besides that, you should focus on controlling your thoughts. If you achieve control over yourself, you will avoid a lot of pain and others.
6 Be honest when asking for forgiveness
Never do it because someone has pushed you to do it, do it because you want it with your heart. When you ask for forgiveness of your own free will, you are aware of your mistakes and you really feel uncomfortable with what you did, otherwise, you would not seek it.
7 That forgiveness is an honest act
It is also not necessary that you forgive for "courtesy", this is worse because you would be a hypocrite. Forgive because you want to, because you know that you are doing it for your own good because you no longer want to live relying on your sorrows and complaints, and because you know that you will be free to move on.
8 Do not relapse
Who wants to make the same mistakes of the past? Nobody, and less if they have made a dent in their own life and that of someone else.
Think about the consequences of your action and repair all the damage that was done. Then get ready to move on by taking care of everything you do or say. It is not a matter of stopping being spontaneous, it is thinking before saying something or doing something that you know will harm another. Only then can you really be someone happy?
Now that you know how restorative it is to forgive and ask for forgiveness, I invite you to make it part of your life, because it is not only an act of love for your neighbor but an act of love for yourself.
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